Over

Even though her heart had been shipwrecked, she restlessly stood up for herself; no one could do it on her behalf. She had to trust upon her own instincts and travel far beyond her inside convolution of feelings. 

She had no longer the option to stay. As much as her heart wanted to, her mind indicated the opposite; it was heavily damaging for her and she couldn't bare it any longer. Almost as if she was long gone to another dimension of reflection amongst which reality seemed far far away. She hadn't imagined the story or made up a fairy tale, but she had slightly transformed the present tense into a past and a future at the same time. Not many people could understand what on earth could be inside her head to make her so different, so drastically changing her as a person. 

The thing is, no one could get inside her as much as he did. He, who had in his hands a remote control for a long time to wirelessly control her mood, was willing to let go that power long ago. But he unconsciously kept pressing the infinite bottons. He, who had the possibility of making her the happiest woman on earth, clearly took a step forward in the opposite direction. No matter how hard it seemed, he was determined to get to that place, regardless of obstacles he might find in the way and carefully following that path, ignoring the divergent simultaneous ones. 

She had always questioned what could be inside his mind. If she could actually get that much inside him as he could do with her. If she had the power to make him feel like the world stopped for a while. Or if it was just nonsense. If it was mere entertainment and all that she wondered was far from reality. That was for a long time her big question. Whether it all had some sort of sense or if it was a result of her overpowering desire of it to be real. 

When it was time for her to leave, forever, she had one last thing to ask. She had to know. Although his reply was no surprise to her, who knows if he spoke the entire truth of if he might have hiden within the unspoken words in his heart feelings that could sink her very deep down. Perhaps it could be him feeling the exact same for her or completely the opposite: him being emotionally alienated to those feelings of hers. 

Either way, paths were clearly diverging from each other into opposite ends. Sometimes all you need is a good fall to know where you stand. And from that moment on, she knew she had to go back to square one and redesign her life beginning on herself. Her tendency was to rely upon others as to her happiness, and in various occasions she had seen it fail. She realised it could no longer depend on everyone else surrounding her; but it was time to shift positions and change perspective. 

She managed to stick all of her pieces together, and in one way or another, they seemed to remain still.

She figured out that the best and only way to keep him out of the way was to erase all the memories that had been holding her back for so long. Not only texts, but mental images too. Almost as if she had blocked out all kind of moment she had in her memory that uncontrollably made her desire to go back in time. She pushed away everything that didn't allow her to move forward. Whether if it was for the better or not, it appeared as if she didn't even remember what had been going on for that period. Her mind had fought so hard to let that go that even the good things had gone away too. 

And it is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and she became in fact bulletproof to all those undercover feelings that could easily make their way through her soft and transparent layers. 

She figured out that all she needed was a hero, and that's what she became. 

V.