Todo cambia, pero todo sigue igual

Es curioso como algo que estaba tan lejano vuelve hacia ti tan sutilmente, pero tan de golpe a la vez. 

Es como si te tropezaras sin parar con la misma piedra. Es incluso ridículo como algo que dejaste atrás ahora esta por delante de ti. Como no has cambiado de prioridades, ni de debilidades. Porque después de todo, sigue siento tu punto débil, donde la razón no tiene ni voz ni voto. 

Me pregunto que será lo que tiene para poder alegrar mis días o entristecerlos. Como es una pregunta sin respuesta, vamos a plantearlo de otra forma: tiene algo que puede cambiar tu perspectiva sobre la vida. Y esto son palabras mayores, pero es esa persona que puede motivarte a conseguir tus metas, a ejemplificarte como eres capaz de lo que te propongas, y te lo demuestre. Un "confío en ti" es suficiente para alargar tus noches.

Pero pienso que no se ha acabado, y me niego a admitirlo, porque las historias deben tener un final, sea feliz o no, pero este libro necesita algo para poder cerrarlo. Porque una página no se puede dejar a medias. Y es verdad que cuando llegues a la última página, debes cerrar el libro. Pero aún no has llegado, y sigues mojando la tinta para escribir palabras que no existen, y actos que no tienen lugar. 

Podrias pasarte horas y horas hablando de como nunca te esperarías que volviera de esa forma, pero una vez ha vuelto hay varias formas de afrontarlo; la incertidumbre te tiene en vilo y te pasas horas mirando por la ventana con un aire de melancolía y arrebato que sólo alguien es capaz de quitarte. Pero aún estando en sus manos no mueve ficha. Puede no moverla por infinitas razones, pero el caso es que esta estático, y tu viendo la vida pasar. 

Creo que todos merecemos un final feliz, así que busca a otro que pueda escribir una historia de cero y dejar esa media página como esta, nadie puede rellenarla por ti, solo es mutuo. Así que deja de mirar por la ventana, y sal por ella. Ve y busca lo que te mereces porque si él no te valora, hazme caso que es porque hay algo mucho mejor detrás de las puertas cerradas. 

V. 

Over

Even though her heart had been shipwrecked, she restlessly stood up for herself; no one could do it on her behalf. She had to trust upon her own instincts and travel far beyond her inside convolution of feelings. 

She had no longer the option to stay. As much as her heart wanted to, her mind indicated the opposite; it was heavily damaging for her and she couldn't bare it any longer. Almost as if she was long gone to another dimension of reflection amongst which reality seemed far far away. She hadn't imagined the story or made up a fairy tale, but she had slightly transformed the present tense into a past and a future at the same time. Not many people could understand what on earth could be inside her head to make her so different, so drastically changing her as a person. 

The thing is, no one could get inside her as much as he did. He, who had in his hands a remote control for a long time to wirelessly control her mood, was willing to let go that power long ago. But he unconsciously kept pressing the infinite bottons. He, who had the possibility of making her the happiest woman on earth, clearly took a step forward in the opposite direction. No matter how hard it seemed, he was determined to get to that place, regardless of obstacles he might find in the way and carefully following that path, ignoring the divergent simultaneous ones. 

She had always questioned what could be inside his mind. If she could actually get that much inside him as he could do with her. If she had the power to make him feel like the world stopped for a while. Or if it was just nonsense. If it was mere entertainment and all that she wondered was far from reality. That was for a long time her big question. Whether it all had some sort of sense or if it was a result of her overpowering desire of it to be real. 

When it was time for her to leave, forever, she had one last thing to ask. She had to know. Although his reply was no surprise to her, who knows if he spoke the entire truth of if he might have hiden within the unspoken words in his heart feelings that could sink her very deep down. Perhaps it could be him feeling the exact same for her or completely the opposite: him being emotionally alienated to those feelings of hers. 

Either way, paths were clearly diverging from each other into opposite ends. Sometimes all you need is a good fall to know where you stand. And from that moment on, she knew she had to go back to square one and redesign her life beginning on herself. Her tendency was to rely upon others as to her happiness, and in various occasions she had seen it fail. She realised it could no longer depend on everyone else surrounding her; but it was time to shift positions and change perspective. 

She managed to stick all of her pieces together, and in one way or another, they seemed to remain still.

She figured out that the best and only way to keep him out of the way was to erase all the memories that had been holding her back for so long. Not only texts, but mental images too. Almost as if she had blocked out all kind of moment she had in her memory that uncontrollably made her desire to go back in time. She pushed away everything that didn't allow her to move forward. Whether if it was for the better or not, it appeared as if she didn't even remember what had been going on for that period. Her mind had fought so hard to let that go that even the good things had gone away too. 

And it is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and she became in fact bulletproof to all those undercover feelings that could easily make their way through her soft and transparent layers. 

She figured out that all she needed was a hero, and that's what she became. 

V.

Y va para largo!

Todo empezó antes de lo que creías. Aunque le pusiste fecha y hora a ese momento, ya venía de largo. Cuando ni si quiera tenías conciencia de como tratar a los que estaban a tu alrededor y eras tan inocente que solo te quedaba reírte y disfrutar de lo que veías. Y a veces con melancolía intentas revivir esos momentos y vuelves a los mismos lugares para al menos respirar la esencia de la libertad que tenías.

 Pero sin esperarlo, llega ese instante en el que crees estar viviéndolo en el presente, como si un deja vù se convirtiera en el presente. 

Y es que hay veces que aunque cierres puertas, te llaman a gritos desde dentro hasta que no tienes mas remedio que abrirla. Y cuando vuelves a notar la brisa del mar en ese mismo sitio sabes que hay una segunda parte. Que era una historia por terminar, y que si el pasado te estaba reclamando algo era porque tenías algo pendiente.  

Es diferente a un principio, por que no es algo desconocido, es aquello de lo que tienes conciencia mucho antes del comienzo de todo. Es como si ya conocieras todo antes de vivirlo, pero al mismo tiempo tienes la incertidumbre de lo que puede deparar el futuro. Y creías que era imposible que pudiera reabrirse la herida que ya había cicatrizado; pero dicen que solo puede arreglarte el corazón la misma persona que te lo rompió. Y ojalá sean muchos 23 más. 

V.